Crack Rat

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      I have learned never to ridicule any man’s opinion, however strange it may seem. —ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, “THE CAPTAIN OF THE POLE-STAR”

      Crack Rat

      Crack rat was a druid of strong conviction, and he lived in the forest in a little smoked filled hut by a tumultuous stream. However, Crack Rat never took baths and never washed his clothes in the tumultuous stream, and he smelled very bad. He was a short little fellow and had a beard that was full of all kinds of strange things. When he traveled, he rode a very large hedge hog that he named Fink. Fink was happy to give Crack Rat rides because it was much better than his old job of giving Bruno the Giant rides. One of Crack Rats favorite things to do was to flip off all the people who walked the path in front of his hut. This left people thinking that Crack Rat was not a very nice druid. But Crack was very nice if you got to know him, he just smelled bad. Crack rat was druid to Chief CaveCat, and it was Crack Rats job to warn Chief CaveCat if any danger was about, and cure all of Chief CaveCat’s guard with herbs.
      The reason Crack Rat was of such strong conviction is because he taught the children all about how the gods wanted people to behave. He taught how to them to keep a clean home and a loving home and a how to keep the fire always going. He had learned this from the goddess Breej-eh. And he taught the Chieftain how to be a just Chief. He had learned this from the goddess Rhiannon. And he taught the women of the happy village how to use herbs to keep their family healthy, and he had learned this from the goddess Ceridwen, a goddess who gets very mad at druids who call her a witch, and sees to it that if druids call her a witch that they don’t get any good presents at the Winter Solstice. She also once turned a druid who called her a witch into a pig. So, Crack Rat was how the druids got their morals, to be kind and nice, and always treat ladies with respect. But Crack Rat refused to take baths.


        Now, crack rat lived in a time when the druids were very close with the faeries, and it is the Celtic Gods and Goddesses who taught the Druids morals and rules of society, and it was people like crack rat who preached this to the happy village. Crack rat has lived a very long life, over three thousand years, and he attributes this to not taking baths. But what upsets crack rat is that modern druids do not believe in the Celtic Gods or goddesses. And thus modern druids have lost their way. May modern druids do not believe in the faeries, and it was from the faeries and the Celtic Gods and goddess that the druids got their morality. So, if you are out in the woods, and see a very short smelly druid, dressed in dirty clothes, riding a large hedge hog, it may be crack Rat, so please be nice to him, and remember to never call Ceridwen a Witch, because she can here you, just like the faery Sandy Clause, and she could turn you into some type of toad or even a snail.


          As you will notice, I make all kinds of spelling mistakes, and that is because when I am writing I don’t want to slow the Awen by worrying about spelling mistakes, I can always clean them up latter, and that is why the druids invented the eraser.

          david poole

            Thank you for your story Star Tree. Is Crack Rat anything like Catweazle?


              Hi David, Oweynagat (‘Cave of the Cats’) in Ireland. hidden away and out of sight located, essentially in the ditch of a modern field boundary. However, as a cave feature it is situated in County Roscommon). in ancient pre-Christian Connaught royal site of Cruachán. Oweynagat (pronounced “Oween-ne-gat” or “UUvnaGOTCH”) or the Cave of the Cats is filled with powerful energies both of the earth and of the Otherworld. The Morrigan, Celtic goddess of death, destruction, and passion, is said to reside within. Key word is pre christian, I contend that the Celtic civilization got civilization from the Celtic Gods and goddesses. I feel there is just too much emphases on roman civilization in modern druidry. I do not feel druidry when all the modern roman thought and courts are brought into druidry. I feel modern druidry is a lifestyle of the rich and famous, and the old druidry of the Celtic Gods is a real religion. I feel the Celtic Gods and goddesses still walk among us like they did in old, but the modern druids want to ignore them and create a Neo-pagan lifestyle that they can market for course sales, which by the way make a lot of money for some Neo-pagans, and non profit, does not mean non moneymaking and salary making good paying jobs. I feel I have found a religion in the old pagan ways and not just a Neo pagan lifestyle. CrackRat was just a character to emphasize that the druids were real people and live in a time without toilet paper, or soap, or the importance taking baths. the real druids were the mystics and priest to the barbarians and early people of Scotland and Ireland. The real druids were not some made up person in a clean white robe, and the real druids probably kept the cattle in the house in the winter, and cleaned out the cowshit each spring for the fields, because the best thing to grow crops in is cowshit. So the real druids lived in a smelly world and probably had bad teeth, and would not appeal to the modern Neo-pagans who are living in a fake druid techno druid world. In short, the real druids that were before the birth of Christ, had smelly underwear. Further, the druids got their love of smith craft from the goddess Breej-eh, who you know as Bridgit. I have a Breej-eh cross on my front door of my bothy and the goddess protects my bothy. She keeps a lot of evil away, and the house has better energy in it now. Catweasel was the type of person in the 6th century that was fighting the Saxon invasion, kind of like the Christian bard Taliesin. CRackRat, is a very old druid who was living before the time of Christ. And I still can’t figure out how the Christians got the Celts to turn to christ and abandon the old gods. So, the druids must have been already losing some of their knowledge of power by the time of 50ad, or they would had been able to repell the romans by the use of magic. I see many of the modern druids as techno druids, who think druidry is a computer game. Look, I don’t care if neotechno pagans call themselves druids, anyone can call themselves druids, I just feel the neotechno druidry offers nothing for me. Druidry for me has become a spiritual way of living with the old gods and the faeries and a deep ecology way of living. I do not think that the old druids were anything like the modern lawyers, and judges, and doctors that the ovates claim they are. And I think that people who are trained in modern psychology have a difficult time understanding the spirituality of druidry. Druidry is a civilization not a game of techno magic. But everyone is free to follow their own path, or are they, because the power of group neotechno druidry is strong, and the power of mass media brain washing is even stronger. And the neotechno marketers of druidry want to appeal to as many people as they can, so they can make as much money as they can, and they are too much of business target demographic marketers to ever stand up for any real religions beliefs, because this would offend some people.


                Led Zeppelin
                Hey fellas have you heard the news?
                You know that Annie’s back in town?
                It won’t take long just watch and see
                How the fellas lay their money down
                Her style is new but the face is the same
                As it was so long ago
                But from her eyes a different smile
                Like that of one who knows
                Well it’s been ten years and maybe more
                Since I first set eyes on you
                The best years of my life gone by
                Here I am alone and blue
                Some people cry and some people die
                By the wicked ways of love
                But I’ll just keep on rollin’ along
                With the grace of the Lord above
                People talkin’ all around ’bout the way you left me flat
                I don’t care what the people say, I know where their jive is at
                One thing I do have on my mind, if you can clarify please do
                It’s the way you call me by another guy’s name when I try to make love to you, yeah
                I try to make love but it ain’t no use
                Give it to me, give it
                Work so hard I couldn’t unwind
                Get some money saved
                Abuse my love a thousand times
                However hard I tried
                Heartbreaker, your time has come
                Can’t take your evil way
                Go away heartbreaker

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